Somewhere Between The 10 & The 1

Times-Square-NYE-Balls-

I want tomorrow to come like a page in a book that I can’t put down because I have to know what happens next. I’ve always been this way; always wanting more, curious about the sequel, who will be left standing, who will sit out, who who who? My dad said I was in a hurry to grow up. He told me not to wish for time to fly because one day it would be gone, “Enjoy your youth, Catfish. You’ll never have this time again.”

Auld Lang Syne – times old long since

Beautiful lyrics, if you really listen. I stand almost on my tip toes every New Year’s Eve. I can’t wait to count it down. I want to yell, 10, 9, 8… I want my kiss. I want a picture. I want a moment standing on another one because new things are going to happen, don’t you know? Something is going to happen and something else. Maybe I’ll fall in love. Maybe I’ll travel somewhere exotic. Maybe all sorts of magic will happen that I can’t even imagine.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I come up with my New Year’s Resolution and assign my friends their own, “Your New Year’s Resolution is to be on time more often. And, you! Yours is to forgive yourself, it is about damn time.” I have to have champagne, we have to toast, you have to tell me what you loved about the year we are leaving behind us because I need to know.

Then we follow the traditions and we sing words that didn’t mean anything to me until recently. On the cusp of a new year the song changed. It isn’t a celebration of what is to come. It is a toast of what has been. All the time I spent jumping up and down and pursing my lips in Auld Lang Syne I didn’t realize that the people singing along to my left and to my right could be gone by the following New Year.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and auld lang syne?

I didn’t think of the fragility of life or how I should spend a second between the 10 and the 1 thinking of the souls that have come into my life, taught me, loved me, molded me and then moved on. I didn’t think of how fast time would begin to fly; that time dad told me to treasure because it wouldn’t last as long as I thought it would. I didn’t know so many of my friends would spend the close of the year short one person they loved more than anyone in the world. One person that wouldn’t enter a new year with them. They had no idea when they sang the song together last year. None at all.

I had no idea that I’d celebrate the close of a year short people that were glimmers, whispers and heartbeats earlier in the season, some having left in body, others because it was time.

I couldn’t imagine it as we laughed, glasses in the air.

For auld lang syne dear, for auld lang syne,
We’ll take a cup of kindness, yet
for auld lang syne

I would like to believe they are there, spirits all around, as we look forward. I’d like to believe they are releasing us from grief and wishing us well as we build a new year without them next to us. I’d like to believe those that still walk this earth raise their glasses to our memories as well, thanking us for who we were to them.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend
And give us a hand o’thine!
And we’ll take a right goodwill draught

For Auld Lang Syne

Somewhere between the 10 and the 1.

Happy New Year, lovers. A toast to those who have taught and loved us and glasses up to a beautiful 2016. May it be filled with love and a little bit of magic.

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